Whispers
by mburns31
Summary: Michiru wonders if the path she's chosen is the right one.


Disclaimer: I don't own the rights to Sailor Moon or any of its characters. They're copyrighted by a bunch of people who aren't me. Hopefully they all have better things to do than make my life miserable for writing this story.  
  
This story has a few spoilers for Sailor Moon S.  
  
***  
  
Whispers  
  
A cold wind blew through the park, causing the leaves in the trees to rustle in the night. Sailor Neptune shivered, but kept her mind focused on her task. She stood hidden behind a large tree, watching what was happening a short distance away.  
  
The scene being played out before her was all too familar. A small child lay on the ground, screaming, as a daimon used its power to remove her heart crystal. The daimon appeared to have been formed by the union of an egg with the child's tricycle, and the metal beast towered over the huddling form of the child. The ray of dark power connecting the two pulsed with foul streaks of light. Neptune stood watching now, as she had done many times before.  
  
And each time she felt a little less human.  
  
Abruptly, the child's screaming ceased as the dark power pulled her heart crystal from her body. As the crystal floated over toward the daimon, Sailor Neptune acted. Stepping out from hiding behind the daimon, she gathered her power and struck.  
  
"Deep... Submerge!" she shouted, hurling her power at the daimon.  
  
The daimon never knew what had hit it. One moment it had been eagerly awaiting the successful completion of its mission, the next it had been struck unawares by the full force of Neptune's attack. Collapsing in on itself, the daimon returned to the form of a simple child's tricycle, and the egg emerged from it and broke open on the ground.  
  
Sailor Neptune walked over and picked up the heart crystal. The child's hands reached out toward it, as though she somehow sensed that its return would make her well again. Neptune looked down at her. So small, so innocent, her heart probably didn't have a care in the world. Neptune thought it was how she might have looked at that age.  
  
Just a moment more, she thought, and your ordeal will be over.  
  
Neptune bent down to return the crystal... and stopped. Something was happening. The heart crystal shifted form in her hands, and suddenly she was holding a small hand mirror.  
  
This is... a talisman, she thought. She stood up, holding the mirror in both hands. She turned away, then looked back down at the girl on the ground. For one long, agonizing moment, she hesitated. Then she quickly turned and began to run.  
  
I'm sorry, she thought. She ran blindly, seeing only the look on the child's face. The look had been one of betrayal.  
  
As she ran, Neptune stumbled and fell. Instead of hitting the ground, she fell into a blackness that quickly consumed her. She could see nothing, but only felt herself falling, falling...  
  
***  
  
Michiru awoke suddenly, sitting up in bed so quickly that her blankets were literally flung forward off of her. Next to her, Haruka's eyes opened and she propped herself up on one arm.  
  
"Michiru... what's wrong?"  
  
"Nothing, Haruka. Go back to sleep." Michiru looked at the clock. It was almost morning. "I'm going to get up a little early." She reached out for her robe, then noticed that her arm was shaking. She quickly pulled it back.  
  
"Michiru... Are you okay?" Concern was etched on Haruka's face, visible in the soft grey light of dawn falling on their bed.  
  
Michiru stood and put on her robe. The soft fabric clung to her body. She was drenched in sweat.  
  
"Yes... I'm fine. Go back to sleep." She fought to keep her voice steady.  
  
Haruka watched her a moment longer, then laid down again. Michiru turned and walked into the bathroom, closing the door behind her. She flipped the switch next to the door, flooding the small room with light. She blinked momentarily, then turned on the fan and began running water in the shower. Then she stopped and looked in the mirror.  
  
She had often been told she was beautiful, but she certainly did not appear that way now. Her hair was a mess, soaked with her sweat and tangled up around her face. Her eyes had a haunted look, as though she was desparately looking for a place to run, to hide.  
  
But she knew there was no hiding from what was pursuing her.  
  
Her conscience. She could never hide from that. It had been after her ever since she had learned of the Death Busters and their search for the three talismans.  
  
She had seen a vision of the world's destruction, and knew that the only thing that could stop it was the Sacred Cup. And the only way to summon the Sacred Cup was to bring the three talismans together. The talismans were sealed inside people with pure heart crystals, and loss of a heart crystal meant death.  
  
So she ruthlessly pushed her feelings aside as she planned murder.  
  
She knew it was necessary. She knew it was the only way to save the world. She knew that if she did not do it, everyone in the world would die, including those three people.  
  
She knew all of these things... And none of them made it any easier.  
  
Before she had met Haruka, things had been easier. Before Haruka, she simply had not allowed herself to feel anything. But when she found Haruka, she had discovered that she could feel... love. At any other time, she would have been overjoyed. But since Haruka had torn down the wall she had built around herself, pain and guilt had found their way in as well.  
  
And as if that were not enough, now there was Sailor Moon.  
  
Sailor Moon and her friends had begun to oppose them even as they fought a common enemy. Sailor Moon believed that no one need be sacrificed. She was idealistic and foolish. She was weak.  
  
She was dangerous. The temptation to go over to her way of thinking was too great.  
  
But Michiru knew - the world must be saved, no matter the cost. And so whenever Haruka had any doubts about what they were doing, Michiru would remind her of their mission, and remind her of the stakes.  
  
"Remember, Haruka... We do what we must." She had told Haruka this to reassure her, as she did whenever she asked her if what they were doing was right. And she made sure that Haruka knew that she could always come to her.  
  
Haruka could turn to her... But there was no one she could turn to.  
  
For Michiru knew that if Haruka saw her doubt, if her resolve wavered even for a moment, Haruka's would also. So she was careful to always keep her feelings about their mission hidden from Haruka. She did not like it. It put distance between them.  
  
She stepped into the shower. She did not like it - but it was necessary.  
  
(Necessary... How often will you use that excuse?)  
  
The voice was a faint whisper, yet she had no trouble hearing it. It was not a physical noise, but rather something she heard only in her head. It was her own voice.  
  
At first she thought it might have been some Death Busters trick. Perhaps they had found out that she was Sailor Neptune and were attacking her in some way. But she had soon realized that the whispers did not come from any external source - they were her own conscience speaking to her, giving voice to all her doubts.  
  
She had heard these whispers before. At first she had tried ignoring them, but as time passed they became more insistent. So she had replied to them internally, justifying her plan to herself with logical arguments. Only then did they go away - but they always returned eventually.  
  
She replied to the voice now, speaking back at it silently. "It is not an excuse - it is a simple fact. I do what I must."  
  
(What you must? It is not for you to choose death for anyone.)  
  
"I do not choose. The ones who have the talismans do not have them by my choice."  
  
(So you will kill three people simply because their hearts are pure.)  
  
"Yes."  
  
(How dare you?)  
  
"Because it is the only way to save the world."  
  
The voice was silent, and for a moment Michiru hoped that it had gone away. She had always been able to silence it with logic before.  
  
But then it spoke up again.  
  
(Haruka wanted to save the girl Usagi... But you held her back.)  
  
"We thought that she was the holder of a talisman. It was necessary."  
  
(Haruka has compassion. Haruka has feelings. But you don't. You have no feelings. You have no heart.)  
  
"I do what I do for the sake of the world."  
  
(How can you be so cold?)  
  
"I do what I do for the sake of the world." She was repeating herself, and the words sounded hollow and empty.  
  
The whispers were silent for a moment, as though the speaker was sitting in judgement of her.  
  
(You're not human.)  
  
"Yes... Yes I am." She sounded almost pleading now.  
  
(You're no better than the Death Busters.)  
  
"No." Michiru felt tears forming in her eyes.  
  
(You're as evil as those you fight.)  
  
"No..." The words cut straight to her soul, and she began to weep silently.  
  
(Monster.)  
  
Michiru fell to her knees, totally oblivious to the spray from the shower now. She collapsed against one of the walls, her body wracked by great sobs.  
  
"If I don't do this... Everyone will die."  
  
(Heartless.)  
  
"The world will die!" Michiru was shouting inside herself now.  
  
(Evil.)  
  
"Haruka will die!"  
  
Silence.  
  
The whispers were silent within her. The only thing she could hear was the sound of the water running in the shower and the bathroom fan.  
  
The entire incident had taken place in complete silence.  
  
Slowly, ever so slowly, Michiru stood, the water from the shower washing over her. She stood, unmoving, and firmed her resolve. She was strong. She would hold together long enough to complete her mission and save the world.  
  
After that... She truly did not know. 


End file.
